Taraki Punjabi Women's Forum reunited in November 2024 to discuss the topic of Being a Punjabi Woman in the 21st Century.
In November 2024, Taraki's Punjabi Women’s Forum met to discuss what being a Punjabi woman in this day and age means. As we move forward in a world where cultural identities and individual aspirations intersect, the question of what it means to be a ‘good’ Punjabi woman is one that warrants deep reflection. Many of us grew up with certain expectations – of being a dutiful daughter, a selfless daughter-in-law, and a woman who puts others' needs before our own. These standards, deeply rooted in tradition often create pressure to conform to a specific idea of femininity and self-worth. But is this still relevant today with 2025 around the corner? Or is it time to rewrite the rules?
The traditional image of the ‘good’ Punjabi woman is one of a people-pleaser, someone who seeks approval by aligning with the expectations set by her family, elders, and community. From a young age, we are taught to respect authority, avoid conflict, and put the needs of others ahead of our own. Success, in this model, is measured not by personal achievement or happiness, but by how much we give to others—whether that’s as a daughter, wife, or mother. Our careers, ambitions, and desires often took a back seat. While many of these ideals were shaped by a different era, they still persist in some parts of our community. This is not to say that traditional values are inherently negative, but there is a growing awareness that the definition of a ‘good’ woman should evolve. Today’s world demands a more nuanced understanding of self-worth, one that celebrates autonomy, individual choice, and well-being.
As we navigate the balance between tradition and modernity, we may feel an invisible pressure to conform to certain expectations. These pressures often come from multiple sources: family, community, and, increasingly, social media. Social media amplifies the noise around societal expectations, constantly showcasing the ‘perfect’ life—a life that seems to have it all. But the truth is, this idealised version of success is often unsustainable and draining. In Punjabi communities, this pressure to ‘have it all’ is compounded by cultural norms and the deep-seated belief that elders know what’s best for us. While their intentions are rooted in love and care, their advice is can sometimes be shaped by experiences within a patriarchal, misogynistic framework that doesn’t always align with our contemporary realities. We’re told to ‘trust’ the wisdom of those who’ve come before us, but that wisdom is based on a world vastly different from our own. It’s time for a new kind of wisdom—one that acknowledges the freedom and autonomy of women to define their own paths.
The idea of ‘having it all’ is often painted as the pinnacle of success, but what does it truly mean to live an authentic life? For many of us, ‘having it all’ might look like achieving career success, maintaining perfect relationships, and managing all aspects of life effortlessly. But let’s be real: for some, such an existence is neither sustainable nor fulfilling. The pressure to live up to these impossible standards can leave us feeling drained and disconnected from our true selves. Instead, the goal should be to live a life that feels authentic to who we are, without constantly measuring ourselves against everyone else’s expectations. A fulfilling life is one where we embrace all our emotions and experiences, both the highs and the lows. At different points in life, ‘having it all’ might mean different things—sometimes it’s about being present with family, other times it’s about focusing on career goals, and at other times, it’s about simply taking time to care for ourselves.
So, how do we support one another in being authentically ourselves? The key lies in creating spaces where vulnerability is celebrated, and where women can share their journeys without fear of judgment. Authenticity begins with self-acceptance, and it’s through this self-acceptance that we can inspire and support others. Being true to ourselves often means navigating difficult conversations, setting boundaries, and confronting societal expectations.
One important step is learning to say no and prioritise self-care. In our culture, there is often an expectation to be available at all times—to be the go-to person for family, friends, and community. While being there for others is important, we must also recognize that taking care of ourselves is essential for our well-being. Boundaries are not a sign of disrespect; they are a necessary part of maintaining our mental, emotional, and physical health.
Moreover, we must continue to teach younger generations—our nieces, nephews, and cousins—that they, too, have the right to define what it means to be a ‘good’ person. By embracing authenticity, we pave the way for them to live lives free from the constraints of outdated cultural norms. We must also recognise that change is not always easy, especially when it involves questioning long-held beliefs. However, vulnerability and open communication are powerful tools for creating a more inclusive and supportive community. When we express our needs and desires with honesty, we create space for others to do the same.
The journey towards authenticity is not always easy, but it is essential for our well-being. By walking this path, we not only redefine our own lives but also help to shift the narrative for future generations. Vulnerability is key in this process—it allows us to connect on a deeper level with others and helps create an environment where authenticity is welcomed.
Supporting one another, whether through words or actions, is the way forward. If we are to truly change the cultural conversation, we need to stand up for each other, encourage open-mindedness, and challenge outdated expectations. This is how we create a culture that values the individual journey and supports the right to live authentically.
There was a consensus in the forum that the notion of what it means to be a ‘good’ Punjabi woman is shifting. While traditional values will always play a significant role in shaping our identities, the time has come for us to redefine what it means to be good, but this time to ourselves and to others. We no longer need to live according to outdated standards of perfection. Instead, let us focus on creating lives that feel authentic, fulfilling, and true to our unique paths.
By supporting each other in this journey, setting healthy boundaries, and embracing our vulnerability, we can create a community where every woman has the freedom to define her own success and live her life authentically. It’s not about having it all—it’s about having the courage to be true to who we are, no matter what society may expect. And in doing so, we pave the way for future generations to embrace their own authenticity with confidence and pride.
You can sign up to future forums here.