In June 2024, Taraki’s Punjabi Women’s Forum came together to discuss Understanding Cultivating Self Worth.
The Punjabi Women's Forum is a brave, inclusive, and open space to listen, learn, share, grow and build community. In June 2024, the women’s forum met virtually to discuss self-worth. After icebreakers and housekeeping rules, the forum opened with defining self-worth. For the purposes of our forum, this was defined as: the internal sense of being good enough and worthy of love and belonging. This is distinct from self-esteem, which is how others perceive us.
There was a consensus that self-worth is shaped by various influences within Punjabi communities. Self-love is nuanced in this context, often challenged by societal norms and familial expectations. Comparing ourselves to others through social media, casual banter from loved ones about physical appearance, and the societal push towards dominant ideals all contribute to how we perceive our own value.
How is Self-Love Perceived in Our Community?
The perception of self-love varies between generations. Older generations often adhere to collectivist values, prioritising family, and community over individual desires. Younger generations may feel increasingly influenced by dominant values that emphasise individuality and self-care but at the same time trying to balance harmony with family. This cultural shift, coupled with a growing awareness of mental health, highlights the importance of self-love for well-being - even when older generations may not fully understand it.
Members spoke of how they may through life feel at times they are not enough.There is a challenge between being your authentic self vs. who you think you need to be. One attendee recommended Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown, which highlights the difference between fitting in and belonging: I) Fitting in means changing who you are to be accepted & II) Belonging means you don't have to change anything about yourself to be accepted.
There's a cultural aspect of learning to compartmentalise yourself to fit in and not "cause any trouble" or ruffle any feathers. Putting yourself first or increasing your levels of self-worth often means rewiring your thinking because you've been conditioned to think/behave a certain way. Self-worth is a practice you must work onand should not be defined by material drivers such as your net worth, your job or what car you drive. But more so, who you are – your authentic self.
Working on ourselves is also important so that we can break cycles and to ensure our baggage isn’t passed down to further generations.
One of our very own facilitators shared tips to practise self-love, examples of these include:
1. Inner Dialogue: Reflect on whether your self-talk is critical or loving. Connect with your inner child and offer words of kindness and support.
2. Vulnerability: Allow yourself to be vulnerable to receive support from others.
3. Morning Routine: Create a morning routine that prioritises self-care, whether it's through mindful meditation, journaling, or a simple act of self-kindness to yourself. Some journaling prompts, include:
• I am grateful for: x.
• My intention for today is: x.
• I am manifesting: x.
• I call in support from: x.
4. Focus on You: Engage in activities you love and make time for yourself, even if it's just a few deep breaths.
5. Accept Community: Understand that self-love does not mean rejecting family or community, but rather finding a balance.
Themes within our Communities
• Collectivist Culture: Punjabi cultures often views self-love as selfish, especially when it conflicts with familial responsibilities.
• Role of Family: Women may feel the need to sacrifice personal desires for family well-being.
• Mental Health Awareness: There is a rising understanding that self-love is essential for mental health, and good mental health is important for self-love.
• Generational Gap: Bridging the gap between older and younger generations requires open communication about the importance of self-care.
The forum concluded in agreement that loved ones' opinions, navigating conflicting cultural values, and societal standards all affect self-worth. Self-love is often seen as selfish, but there is a shift towards understanding its importance for mental health and well-being. To protect ourselves and our self-worth it is important to engage in positive self-talk, establish healthy routines, and focus on activities that bring joy and fulfilment. By recognising and addressing these factors, individuals within Punjabi communities can cultivate a healthier sense of self-worth, balancing personal desires with cultural and familial responsibilities. This journey involves redefining self-love not as a selfish act, but as a necessary component of overall well-being and to live a harmonious life not only for us but also for future generations.
You can find out more about the Punjabi Women’s Forum by visiting our Events page here.